That Angel

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‘Jigsaw’ by Lonneke Engel

That angel

had enough

of sleepless nights and nightmares

Giving up her halo

Seemed to be the only way

 

So she made up her mind

and raised a trembling hand

Trying to find the seam

A depression in the band

 

Tugged at it with all her might

Dug in her nails hard

Felt the sting as the blood vessels broke

A trail of red down her arms

 

Peeled it off her head

Regardless of those uprooted locks

Cast it away in a lone corner

And reached out for that mask…

She was slow to heal

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‘We’ll float on alright’ by Matthew Clements

She was slow to heal
So slow, she spent countless nights wrapped in my arms
crying over something that happened ages ago.

I couldn’t  make her better…
I couldn’t walk away either…

And it began to chip away at my patience

There were times when I almost gave up on her
Almost threw us away
Almost

I am glad I didn’t
For though she took pretty long, she finally did heal

Now, I see her in all her glory
And bow down to the supreme love she showers upon me.

And now I know
Why the brightest stars
Burn before they Shine.

Photograph by Matthew Clements

Dear little one…

I fell in love with your mother the first time I saw her. With you, however, it wasn’t the same. You were out of my attention range for quite a while. You were the youngest; the runt of the litter, that typical ‘too-weak-to-survive’ soul. They even gave you a dull yellow name tag, as all the bright ones were already taken by the other finer ones..

You mattered, but never enough to be noticed. Our interactions were as brief as making sure you were well fed and safe. Until that day..

Your mom, she was running a temperature. Since her milk was all you had, it wasn’t long before the infection got to you all. A burning 108 degrees. The others were stronger and fought back effectively, but you couldn’t. 

I saw you then, wrapped in a blanket, placed away from the other healthy siblings, breathing heavily, barely able to get up. I knew it was more than you could take..

Then began the fits. Losing all bowel control, you thrashed from side to side, yelping in pain, twitching as the tremors shook the core of your being. A couple of times. It took all I had to not shed a tear as I held your losing body steady while you struggled to live. I was sure your nervous system had suffered a massive damage, and you won’t make it through the night. 

I prayed fervently and asked God to ease your suffering. To let u live, or die in peace. I held your fragile body close, meditated with all the faith I had, and naively hoped my soul could touch yours and calm you down. That night, I barely slept a wink. In the morning, I hardened myself for the unfortunate news and came to see you. 

You were still breathing, still fighting.

I was elated, but felt it was only a matter of time. You were too far gone..

That time passed. And yet again, you survived..


You still are the weakest of the lot, the ‘underdog’ who gets beaten up by her siblings. Yet, you are the first one I search for whenever I come home. Your eyes shine the brightest, and the way you look at me when I hold u makes me wanna believe that the connection we had that day prevails, and always will..

I love you so much, little one. 🙂